I will piss on your floor!

Seriously, I actually had a man tell me that when I told him I had no public restroom.  Is it so hard to believe that after you have searched the lobby area and the vending area of the hotel and seen no door, except for the "Employee Only" door, that there is no public restroom here.  Not every place has a public restroom.  Do you go into the mall and assume every little shop along the way has a public restroom?  No.  You assume the anchor stores do though, and you would be right.  But that Hot Topic there, they don't have a public restroom and they sure has hell aren't going to let you into theirs, that's a Loss Prevention issue.  People don't question this.  You might ask, they will say no, direct you to the nearest public restroom either maintained by the mall or one of the anchor stores and you're fine with this.

Yet I tell you the same thing and the world will end.  People constantly stop at the hotel I work at demanding a restroom.  And they're none to polite about it either.  Most come though the doors, walk though the lobby like they own the place, stop when they get to the carpeting that indicates the rooms are starting, turn around, go down the little hall where the vending machines are see the "Employee Only" door, turn around again and storm up to the desk demanding a bathroom.

Now, my problem with letting people use my employee bathroom is this; it's right next to my desk.  I don't want some freak using this bathroom thing as an excuse to jump and kill me.  I'm not comfortable with this situation.  At all.  Ever.  I don't care if you're claiming your 5 year old has to go or you 95 year old.  I don't want people I don't know that close to me, my computers or my cash drawer.  There's a certain bubble of professional comfort that I'm cool with and you being in that bathroom is violating that bubble.

And don't give me the "I have a condition" line.  Guess what? I do too.  It's called Crohn's Disease and it's basically arthritis for your digestive system.  It makes eating and living generally hellish when it's flaring and it's mildly tolerable when not.  You the reader are thinking this is going to make me more sympathetic I know, and I just want to say it does not, in any way, shape or form.  Here's why;  If you have such a horrible condition you wouldn't take a chance on stopping at a place that may or may not have a restroom.  You would take the sure thing.  That's what I do.  You wouldn't stop at an arbitrary hotel off the Turnpike, you would stop at the McDonald's you can see from the off ramp because you KNOW they have a restroom.  I could understand if this was the middle of Montana and mine was the only establishment for 100 miles.  Sure, come on in then, have a pee, but its not.  If I need to stop and I am given a choice between 2 or more establishments and I know one of them has a restroom, I take the known.  I'm not chancing it.

As previously mentioned, there's a McDonald's and 2 gas stations about 400 yards from the driveway here.  I also know darn well that you can see McDonald's sign from the Turnpike.  So why, prey tell, do people stop at a place that is not guaranteed to have a restroom?

Seriously, I'm asking why.

Everything you read online is true

I understand there are shady characters out there.  I do. But to accuse me of doing something shady you had better have proof.  No, I do not put your credit card information on the key cards.  I don't have the ability or the knowledge required to do that.  Nor would I if I did.  Not everything you read online is true.  I know, shocker right? Why would I lie about something as important as internet truth?  I wouldn't.  Do you know why?  It's because it's not worth it.  Just like it's not worth it to steal your credit card information no matter the method.  Do you really think I'm going to give up a job I feel about 50% 'safe' in just so I can buy a tank of gas?  I know people are concerned with identity theft but not everyone is out to get you.  Another shocker I know.  Most people, like myself, just want to come into work to make an honest days paycheck.

Retail Lepers or Cash Handling 101

This is a pet peeve of mine. I hold a personal vendetta against those who have no cash handling skills.  I'm not talking about the 7-year-old who comes up with his mother and doesn't quite understand the concept of money so I end up with miss-matched horribly askew pile of bills and change that has just been retched from the sweaty pocket of this little tyke, not even counted, and thrust upon my counter in a manner so haphazard it would make Dale Carnegie weep.  I try to take the opportunity there and teach the child how to count the money and why it's important  so on and so forth because it's obvious the parent doesn't (but that's another story for another day).

In a land where Cash is now King and Plastic is a Sin, I speak of the adults who pull wads of cash out of their purses or wallets or pockets or socks (yes I've had it happen and it's icky.)  and in such a haphazard manner make piles with their money on their side of the counter while counting out loud and examining closely the denomination of each bill to ensure they do not under any circumstances had over one bill more than absolutely necessary.  After they have scrutinized and agonized over their selection of bills they look up at my outstretched hand as I have waited very patiently for them to finish this unfamiliar ritual and shove the pile of bills ever so slightly in my direction as an indication that I am now allowed to touch, organize, recount then finally take into possession, their most precious commodity.   I look at the pile and think that this cannot be right.  I had my hand out for them to put money into.  I politely waited for it.  If I did this to their change I would be written up!  So now I stretch my short arms across the counter inevitably spilling any change that they have gathered.  I do this on purpose. It's to get back at them for treating me with such indignity.  I am not the devil here, I did not force the consumer to purchase whatever item they have and yet they treat me and my fellow cashiers as though we are vampires and not the sparkly kind.  

I find it terrifying to not be treated with enough respect to be simply handed money.   I understand that for years and years you simply handed your Plastic over and with a simple swipe the deed was done but this is not necessarily the case anymore.    Cashiers are not slaves to the customer, there is just absolutely no reason to be so rude.  But alas, the consumer looks down upon the cashier and treats him or her with all the consideration they would have for a leper.  No, that's a lie, the consumer would have more consideration for the leper, the leper could be saved by Jesus, the cashier cannot.  They do not want to catch whatever disease caused me to become a lowly retail worker in the first place so they refuse to have even the slightest possibility of contact.  I look at them with disdain because they refuse to treat me with what I consider to be a basic respect and decency and they look at me with disdain because I might bring them down to my level, retail.

What can I help you find today?

I've worked for several businesses over the course of my customer service life.  Gamestop, Suncoast, Waldenbooks, Dakota Watch Co, Sleep Inn and Meijer to name a few.  I often have thoughts and feelings that need to be expressed, observations about the general populous that can only come from running a cash register or checking in a guest.
When writing this blog I will not use real names nor will I specify which place of business I was at when any given incident occurred, however with a sharp mind and a keen eye you may be able to determine on your own.
Please, enjoy the ride.